I am continually amazed by the maturity and growth that Ben demonstrates at the most surprising times. We were having Ben’s Annual IEP for school, and the team leader turned to me and asked “Will Ben be participating in Driver’s Ed. This year?” I reminded that administrator that Ben was right next to me and that he should be asked. After a sigh and a roll of the eyes, the administrator turned to Ben and asked, “Ben, will you be taking Driver’s Ed. this year?”

Now this is something that I had agonized over for some time. Ben has always become excited when NASCAR was on television. Noone else in our family watches NASCAR, so it was obvious to me that this was something that Ben had found that he truly enjoyed, he wasn’t simply modeling what someone else in the family liked. As he got older and was able to express himself verbally, he would speak about the things he would do when he could drive. At a young age this wasn’t scary to me, because I wanted to believe that he would be able to drive.

As Ben grew older, his sensory issues though better controlled did not disappear completely. Specifically, unexpected noises, such as sirens, would still cause Ben to become very anxious, often covering his ears and hiding his head. All of us who drive, know that sirens, etc. can happen at any time. How would I truly be able to prepare him for the unexpected if he were going to drive?

I began to investigate various options, virtual car driving, go-carts, etc. in order to prepare for teaching Ben some of what to expect when driving. I went thru many agonizing hours, trying to figure out whether this was something that I should just not even allow him to try. Would I be putting other pedestrians and drivers at risk? I silently agonized over these issues, but never said a word to Ben.

Back to the day of the meeting, I looked at Ben, a bit apprehensively, wondering what he would say. He looked around the room at all of the people gathered, and cleared his throat. He then said to them, “ I have autism. Sometimes noises bother me. I think it is more important for other people to be safe then it is for me to drive. I can find other ways of getting places. I choose not to take Driver’s Ed. so that my friends, and others can be safe.” The tears streamed down my face as I stood up and went over to Ben and hugged him. There were few dry eyes anywhere in the room.

I learned a lesson from Ben that day. It’s not all about me. Ben taught me to look at the big picture and to examine how my wants and needs are not always the most important thing. It is important to look at the big picture and to see how all will be affected by our deeds. My baby may not be driving a vehicle, but he certainly is in the championship circle for navigating his life!